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Monday, October 8, 2012

A pregnancy and life update

So here is an update on the latest:

At 21 weeks we had our ultrasound where they check all the measurements of the baby and make sure everything is functioning and is placed properly. They also check gender if you are interested, but we had already found out that we were expecting little Ethan a couple of weeks before due to his heart beat not showing up on the Doppler. (little stinker, gave me a real fright!) So we were just excited to be able to see our little boy up close and personal and to make sure all was well. As the doctor moved through all the measurements, he stated that all looked normal and healthy, and exactly on schedule. There was just a couple of minor concerns. We found two cysts in little Ethan's brain. My doctor said that this was extremely normal, and that they usually disappear long before the baby is even born. But rarely, it can indicate a serious disease. But almost always, if they have this disease, they would have a great many other abnormalities that would be present in the ultrasound, which there were none. But just to be safe, he wanted to send me to a Periantologist at Utah Valley Regional to get his opinion. He told me that I really shouldn't worry at all, however. He also pointed out that I have two placentas, which is rare, and that one of them looked like it was covering my cervix, (placenta previa) but that he believed that it had a good amount of time left for it to migrate up away from my cervix, so he told me to not worry about that just yet, and that we would check it again as we got closer to delivery.

We left feeling a bit worried, but I felt nothing but peace. I knew that no matter what, we would all be ok. I felt that the baby would be healthy, and after a Priesthood blessing, my feelings were confirmed. I only had to wait a week to see the specialist, so I didn't think of it much.

Tuesday came, and Scott was able to come with me, which I was so grateful. The Ultrasound Tech performed the ultrasound first, and made a ton of notes. I loved how she explained everything she saw and why she was checking it. What a cool job. She pointed out that there was a concern with the placentas, but that the Perientologist would be in shortly to take a look. We found the cysts and she measured them. Then they Doctor came in. He did pretty much everything the Tech did. He looked at the cysts, and told us everything about the disease, and how in looking at all the rest of his stats, there is no reason why we should worry. He said that these cysts are more than likely normal. That was a relief. Then I asked him about my two placentas, and whether that would pose a problem. This is where the appointment took a turn for the worse.

He explained that with Placenta Previa, the placenta is covering the cervix. But in my case, instead of the actual placenta covering it, it is actually blood vessels coming from the placenta connecting to the other one on the other side, and thereby blocking the cervix. This condition is much worse, because if anything were to cause a tear or rupture in these blood vessels, the baby would bleed out very quickly. Things that can cause this to happen are my water breaking, too much weight from the uterus, any kind of force outside or in. This can be unpredictable, and in 75% of cases where it is not detected, the baby will die at or before birth. But the good news is that we detected it, so now we can formulate a plan that will more than likely save the baby.

The plan is, that November 13th when I am at 28 weeks we will be going in for another ultrasound to double check and make sure everything is the same, which my doctor says will more than likely be the case. From there, we will discuss all the details, but the plan is that I will be admitted to the hospital at 30 weeks, which will be the week after Thanksgiving, and stay there for 5 weeks, at which time they will take the baby 5 weeks early (about January 2nd) via c section to avoid me ever getting too far along that the vein would rupture. The risk of having a preemie is much lower than to wait till I am full term. So this is what we are planning on. This will mean I will spend the entire Christmas season in the hospital. This was quite disheartening, and quite a lot to take in. First of all, the concern for the baby was high. But also to miss Carson's Christmas, all of the activities we do and celebrations with family...I'll miss all of that. It broke my heart. But at the same time, I also have this overwhelming feeling of calmness and peace. What a blessing! I know me, and I know that typically this would have sent me over the edge, but for some reason I have been blessed to not be afraid. I believe a lot of it has to do with the trials I have experienced this year, which were almost more than I could bear. But I was strengthened. My testimony didn't increase, it matured. Faith that I never experienced was formed, from the ground up, through many paths of resistance. I discovered a strength in me, in my spirit. My spirit self was in charge, not my carnal mind that is full of doubts and weaknesses. I had to let everything go in order to overcome the greatest darkness. That is why we are here, so that God will know whether, in that moment of utter despair and darkness, when we have nothing left, we choose Him over the adversary. That we choose the light, and not give up in the darkness. That is our ultimate test, the reason he sent us here. The important thing to remember is that He never leaves us. We leave Him. He is just waiting, wishing, praying and hoping we will accept that He is the only way we can make it through even the thickest of hell. He will carry us, but we have to allow Him. I know that no matter what this life gives me, no matter what I experience, however wonderful or terrible, He will help me through. He will never leave me. All I have to do is put my TRUST and FAITH in Him. It's easier said than done, and it's something we must learn continually throughout our lives, and I know I am learning. I can do all through Him.

I am so grateful we had General Conference. what a wonderful weekend. It's amazing for me to consider where I was in my life and in my mind and spirit just 6 months ago. I had just had my miscarriage, and it was my birthday. I was so lost and bitter and hurt and depressed. I am amazed at how far I have come since then, and so grateful. Trials truly bless and strengthen us in the end, if we allow them.

Fall is here, and I am going to enjoy every minute of it! If I have to miss Christmas, I will have one heck of an Autumn! I love this time of year, and have truly enjoyed taking Carson to Cornbelly's twice, and going for a couple of drives through the Alpine Loop. I am anxious excited for Halloween and for Carson's costume. He's gonna be Superman, wearing a cape that his Oma made for his Uncle Chris when he was little. He looks adorable in it! Next is getting the boys room all painted and ready before I go in to the hospital. It's going to be so cute, if I can actually do it. Scott is leaving on a few business trips this month, so I am hoping all will be well without him, and I've just gotta stay busy so I won't get too lonely. So that is basically what is new in our little world, and I intend to keep y'all updated throughout the rest of this pregnancy. Thank you for your prayers and support. It has meant more than you could know, and I truly have felt the added strength and blessings.

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