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Monday, February 15, 2010

Another trial of faith

God knows what he's doing. I don't know why we forget that sometimes. This experience I have had over the past couple weeks has brought to mind that if I only humble myself enough to listen and do what he asks, he will take care of things. While going through this, I received 2 blessings. One of healing and one of comfort. Both times I was told to read my scriptures. That it would help me greatly. I heard this, but I guess it wasn't at the forefront of my mind. So I didn't. Until one night, I believe Tuesday last week, I threw a tantrum. Literally. I was sick of being sick, and having to lay around and do nothing. I was sick of the pain. It was exhausting. I was sick of all the lortab, of everything. I was upset I had to cancel our Valentine trip to St. George. I had had it. So I threw a few pillows. Yep, like a little kid. Stomping around throwing pillows, feeling angry and sorry for myself. And then I glanced in the back room, and my scriptures were laying out on the floor in the middle of the room. I honestly have no idea what they were doing there, but it stopped my tantrum flat. I walked in the room, sat down on the floor, and read. I read for about 15 minutes, and then prayed for what seemed like eternity. When I got up, I felt a calm and peace that I hadn't felt in quite some time. I honestly had a completely different attitude to my situation. I knew that everything was in the Lord's hands. I knew I would be ok, and the baby would be ok, and that I had so much to be grateful for, that if this was my only trial, I am blessed. It was a whole new feeling. And that attitude change alone did wonders. I went to bed that night and slept. I woke up, and I started feeling better. Saturday and Sunday last week were almost completely pain-free. I was able to go out with my husband and celebrate Valentine's day, and go to church yesterday and help teach our 13-14 year olds. I made it through the whole 3 hours of church without any lortab. In fact, I haven't had to take one for over 24 hours, only a few tylennol here and there. It was a miracle. Now, the Hydronephrosis is still there, and probably will be a condition I have to live with off and on throughout my pregnancy, but it is managable now. The antibiotics they gave me for my kidney infection have helped tremendously. But I believe the change of attitude and spirit has helped me even more. I now realize that whatever I am faced with, whatever trial I go through, I know God is taking care of things. I know that if I put my trust in the Lord, that I honestly have nothing to fear. I am grateful for my little boy Carson, I am grateful it was so easy to conceive, I am grateful for a body that can conceive. I am grateful for a husband who loves me eternally and is my best friend, I am grateful for the apartment we have in this beautiful area of Alpine, and for the amazing ward who has welcomed us with open arms and has fed us and helped us so much when I needed it last week. I am grateful for my families on both sides being so close to us, and for all their love and support. I am grateful for my dog Sydney and all the unconditional love and company she provides when Scott is gone and I need someone. I am grateful for my testimony, and for the knowledge that God loves me, and I am His daughter, and he wants me to be happy and wants only the best for me. I know this now, again, and am grateful.

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